he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
