Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
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She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
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You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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