So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
