You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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