I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
false alarm, still single
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
