I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
