help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
