What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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