No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
