Need sex. Gaining weight.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Please don't give away my fajitas
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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