and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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