my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
