My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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