if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
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