You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
