There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
