I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
