No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
