I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
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