I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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