I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
