You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Randomize
