is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Randomize
