I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
