She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
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She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
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Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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