i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Randomize
