hotel room ftw
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
