just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
