tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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