remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
