best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
