I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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