Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
