don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
