Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I just blew my weed a kiss
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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