Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
