nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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