If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Randomize
