I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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