my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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