i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
