I wish my penis had an off switch
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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