You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
My vagina just clenched in fear
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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