She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
