Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
