I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
