people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
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It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
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I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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