It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
