Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
