Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
