why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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