Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
