dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
