i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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