We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Randomize
