Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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