its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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