She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Randomize
