The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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