I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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