Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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